Jan 4, 2012

Malaysia - Malaysia's single fathers in limelight after cases of abused children



Petaling Jaya (The Star/ANN) - The plight of single fathers is less known to most people but recent incidents involving neglected children have brought into focus the pressures faced by these men who are trying to make ends meet while bringing up their children.

Living in cities without the benefit of extended families, cases of single fathers failing to cope with the burden of parenthood are increasing.

The MCA Public Services and Complaints Department says it has been receiving reports of such cases, particularly from men who married "mail-order" brides.

"There are relatively few Malaysian women who would leave their children behind when they walk away from a marriage," department chief Datuk Michael Chong said.

"But their number has nonetheless increased. The double whammy of having to fend for children on their own while dealing with the emotional baggage can become the tipping point for some men," said Chong.

He was referring to an incident in Penang where a father had chained his daughter and son in the bathroom before leaving for work. The siblings, aged six and two, were rescued by the police last week after neighbours heard their cries.

Neighbours and a family member have since spoken in defence of the single father, describing him as "a good father who has never hurt his children".

The man was said to have been under duress since his Thai wife left him in November.
Several men with grown-up children recalled the great difficulties they had to face in adjusting to life as a single parent.

Freelance technology journalist A. Asohan, 49, said his wife left him and their two children five years ago.

"Previously, we could send the kids for violin, Mandarin and swimming classes. Now, I can only afford to send them to tuition and music classes," he said. "I may even have to reconsider the music lessons this year," he said of his children, who are now in their teens.

Asohan, who considered himself lucky for "being able to put food on the table", said he had never known of any case in which women paid alimony to their husbands despite situations of equal wage.

Another single father said that the top factor in bringing up a child on your own was cost of living.

"Men, too, worry about how to make ends meet," said 41-year-old divorcee Low Swee Siong, who was granted full-time interim access to his daughter Bi-Anne in a highly-publicised custody battle in the Court of Appeal last year.

For retired teacher Chan Yat Wah, 61, his life took a sharp turn when his wife died in 1998, leaving him with two young sons to bring up on his own.

"I had to juggle a part-time job to supplement my income, but I was lucky that my mother and in-laws helped to take care of my sons whenever I was away," said Chan.

Sales executive Yuen Hoong Kin, who has a teenage daughter, accepts the financial burden as part of parenthood.

"Getting the means to survive is part of life and it is our responsibility as a father, even if it is difficult to bear."

Educationist Dr Hartini Zainuddin said there was a lack of affordable day-care centres to help low-income earners who did not have relatives to fall back on.

"With limited financial capability, parents do not know where to send their children when they juggle between two and three jobs.

Lee Yen Mun and Regina Lee in Petaling Jaya/The Star | ANN



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